'Rano Po'

SPECIAL GUEST-STARRING CRACOVIA!


Ola Dabrowska blinked away the fogginess clouding her mind, the heavy lids over her icy blue eyes gradually fluttering open as she struggled to bring the world back into focus. She found the strength to lift herself upright, so she was at least sitting up, and blinked a couple more times, wobbling a little as an unexpected wave of dizziness washed over her. She reached up with the back of a hand and rubbed the last vestiges of sleepiness from her eyes. A soft, mewling yawn forced her lips to part for it.  

"Mmmhh..." Moving on autopilot, she struggled to kick the tangled duvet from around herself, swinging her legs out over the edge of the bed and, after a few more dozy seconds snuggled in the warm blanket of lingering drowsiness, she found the willpower to stand. She giggled a little, wiggling her toes as her bare feet felt soft, fluffy carpet beneath them. With another little yawn, Ola set off, moving as if she was still asleep; slowly, clumsily, like a puppet being poorly manipulated, or a sleepwalker lost in a dream.  

She approached Kasia's slumbering form, giggling a little. Obviously, her girlfriend had been so sleepy she couldn't even make it all the way to bed before dropping off. She was curled up in a dreamy little ball, snoring ever so softly, a quiet, adorable little "Zzz...", trailing off into silence before resuming, seemingly even quieter and more dainty than before. Apparently, they had both been tired enough to fall asleep fully-clothed, Ola in the elegant green dress she had worn to the cocktail party the night before, Kasia in a little red dress that reminded Ola of what she'd been wearing the night they had first met. Ola smiled at her.  

"śpi dobrze, mały kiciu." She whispered, doing her best not to disturb her as she stretched her long legs and stepped over the sleepy little ball curled up in the doorway. Kasia snored a little louder as Ola clambered over her, wriggling just a little, and ultimately concluding her movements with rolling onto her side and smiling at whatever dream she was enjoying.  

She made her way into the kitchen and pulled open the cupboard, reaching inside and poking the necessary buttons on the keypad to unlock the door, allowing it to swing lazily open and granting her access to the myriad of chilled foods and beverages housed within. She frowned. It wasn't particularly cold, for a fridge. Nor did it seem to have any yummy contents she would have enjoyed consuming; instead, just a small collection of shiny jewelry; earrings, rings, necklaces, and the like.  

Ola furrowed her brow a little, struggling to make sense of things. It didn't seem right, that all those things would be in her warm fridge...  

She turned around, and came face to face with a swirling mass of black and white. All of a sudden, Ola found herself feeling very dizzy. She wobbled in place, reaching out to the worktop to steady herself as she held a hand to her head, blinking rapidly. When she managed to focus her attention again, the swirls were gone, and she wasn't entirely sure what she had been worried about; the fridge was right in front of her, absently humming away.

"Oh...łosiu jeden..." She chuckled to herself. Of course, she thought, the fridge didn't live in the cupboard, or have a keypad to unlock it. How on Earth had she forgotten that? It was the big silver thing that stood next to her oven.  

Ola shrugged. Perhaps she wasn't as awake as she'd thought. Come to think of it, she didn't know what time it was...it still felt pretty early, and Kasia was still fast asleep.  

Yes, she figured, that must be it. She just needed more sleep.

"Z powrotem do łóżka..." She muttered to herself, dutifully marching back to bed and snuggling up in the covers, pulling the nice, soft, warm duvet around herself. The pillow against her face was like being cuddled by a fluffy cloud. A wide, dopey smile spread across her lips, and Ola was back asleep almost the instant she laid down. Her eyelids were so very, irresistibly heavy.  

It would just be silly, trying to stay awake.  

She was out like a light.  



***



Well, this was embarrassing.  

She'd been robbed. She, Ola Dabrowska, the White Eagle of Jagiellonia, had been robbed. She'd woken up to find her safe wide open and totally empty, and several bare spots on the wall where she had been sure things had once been hanging on display. To make matters worse, neither she or Kasia remembered exactly what had been stolen, which made reporting the incident to the police more than a little bit frustrating, and entirely unproductive.  

Both of them were sure there had been something hanging from the wall above their bed, and that it had been valuable, but hadn't the slightest inkling of what it had been. It was like whenever they tried to picture it, the image grew fuzzier and blurrier the harder they tried to think back on it. Kasia concluded that they must have been hypnotized at some point in the night, and Ola was inclined to agree.  

They'd been at a party earlier that night, Ola remembered that. Even if she hadn't been able to recall, the mere presence of her fancy green dress was a dead giveaway; she only broke out the fancy green dress when she wanted to look her most aristocratic, and the groggy haze of a hangover thumping in her eardrums confirmed that she had gotten drunk. Putting two and two together, it was the only logical conclusion. Quickly flipping through her diary uncovered an invitation to a string of parties in one of Jagiellonia's most ostentatious private manors. An even quicker browse of the newspapers indicated that at least four other wealthy heiresses had suffered similar incidents over the last week, and that the intended string of ten parties, one a night, was due to continue, regardless. Ola vaguely remembered that her life as Cracovia had left her too busy to attend any of the earlier parties, and last night had been the first time in months that Jagiellonia's Neo-Nazi groups had deigned to give her a night off. Punching them was a full-time occupation, it seemed.  

There was a definite pattern forming. After every single one of these parties, some poor lady with some money to her name woke up with everything gone, and no idea of what had actually been taken. There was another party tonight, and Ola fully planned to be in attendance...but not as Ola Dabrowksa, the moderately wealthy socialite who spent her evenings drinking and dancing. This was a job for Cracovia.  

Of course, she couldn't remember exactly what she was looking for either. Her usual tactics for punching baddies in the face would be somewhat less effective here...she needed a trap. Cracovia wasn't too proud to admit when she needed a hand. A little help from friends could go a long way in this business.

Fortunately, she knew just the mind-control expert to call for help...  



***



Svetta Kistrun was smiling when she approached, her strawberry blonde hair whipping around her shoulders and face in the chilly mid-afternoon breeze. It was winter, and she was dressed accordingly, in a thick, knitted white jumper, black pants and a set of little black leather ankle boots. Ola waited for her outside the airport, greeting the much shorter girl with a hug. For now, Ola had resorted to comfy jeans, and a red t-shirt worn beneath a brown leather jacket.  

"Dabrowska!"  

"Svetta! Thank you so much for coming on such short notice."  

"It's fine. You know I love my little trips to Poland...one of these days, you're gonna have to take me sightseeing. Or shopping. Or something."  

"Grace is okay with this?"  

"I told her I was going to a teacher's conference in Europe for a couple of days, staying with a friend for the night, and on my way back tomorrow evening."  

"How much do I owe you? For the plane tickets, I mean."  

"Ola. I can fly. Airports are for suckers."  

"Hmm. Probably best not to say that too loudly in public. Did you even bother bringing your passport?"  

"Ola, relax. I'm going home tomorrow anyway."

"Unless you get arrested."  

"Yeah, unless that. But what are the odds, really?"  

Ola shrugged.  

"So, been up to anything fun lately? I heard something about Cracovia fighting Nazis..."  

"Svetta, I'm always fighting Nazis."  

"Yeah, but you never invite me! I'm Jewish, you know, I think I have more of a right to want to punch them than you do."  

"Fine. I promise, if we have time, we can go fight some Nazis together."  

"Yay!"  

"But first..."  

"Oh, right. Your very own hypno-thief!"  

"Don't sound so excited, little one. Otherwise people might get the idea you like having no control over your own thoughts and actions..."  

"Shush, you. Still, this is one for the books. Ola gets hypnotized, and I...wait, am I about to be chloroformed or something? Is that how this works?"  

"I don't think so. Maybe. Probably. Anyway."  

"Right. So, do we have a plan?"  

"Actually, yes. Did you pack any spare clothes?"  

"Uh...just my work clothes, why?"  

"Ah. Well, this villainous hypnotist likes to prowl parties. Every night for the past week, he's hypnotized one young lady out socializing, and she's woken up the next morning with all her nice things missing, from both her house and her mind."  

"Including you?"  

"Mmh."  

"So...how do I fit into all this?"  

"I can't remember what he looked like. So the only way to catch him is in the act...but he might recognise me, so..."  

"Ah. I can see where this is going."  

"I need you to go into the party, looking your absolute fanciest, and start bragging. Make sure everyone knows you have a whole lot of money and jewelry back at your apartment, make yourself as tempting a target as possible, and then..."  

"Then I get tranced. Great."  

"Relax! I'll be right outside, ready to burst in whenever you need help. I'll stay in constant communication with you, and as soon as I hear anything weird, Cracovia will swoop in and save the day!"  

"Hrmmm...well, Ola, I want you to know, if I get hypnotized, I will hold you personally responsible."

"We need to get you into the party first. I can give you my invite, no problem, but you need to fit in...how's your Polish coming along?"  

Svetta shrugged. "Jest coraz lepiej...mam nadzieję."  

Ola smiled.  

"Not bad. Now there's just the matter of making you look the part... I mean, the knitwear is adorable, but hardly screams 'look at me, I'm a wealthy young socialite with lots of money to steal'...and you can't exactly borrow any of my clothes..."  

"Well...I guess we're going to get to go shopping after all!"



***



"Ola...I'm not sure if I've mentioned this, but-"  

"You hate wearing heels?"  

"Oh. I guess I have mentioned this."  

"You'll be fine. We all know you're like a hypnotist-magnet, just give it five minutes."  

"And what will you be doing?"  

Ola finished zipping up her shiny red vinyl glove, the leather-like material squeaking a little as she wiggled her fingers to confirm that the glove was fitted properly. She made a fist, while her other hand briefly fiddled with her blonde ponytail. Svetta, meanwhile, would have been willing to kill for the opportunity to don her 'work clothes', the comfy sweatpants, boots and tank top...instead, here she was, in a purple dress, covered in glitzy sequins, and a pair of accursed high heels which made every step perilous. Even just standing in the alleyway behind the expensive-looking manor home, she felt as if she would topple over in the slightest breeze.  

"I'll be out here, waiting to burst in heroically and save your cute little rear end at the first sign of trouble. Naturally."  

"Dabrowskaaa..." She pouted.  

"Svetta, shush. It'll be fine. You'll be, like, an hour, tops."  

"Ola. If I have to spend an hour in these shoes, I'm going to break my neck."  

"If you're good, I promise we can have ice cream tomorrow morning."  

"Fine." She pouted, folding her arms grumpily. Cracovia, meanwhile, seemed to have perked up, merrily patting Svetta on the head before sending her on her way. Grumbling, the redhead tottered along, wobbling uncertainly with every step. Ola watched her with a bemused little smile, before putting on her mask and turning, propping herself up leaning against the manor wall.  


***



"Excuse me?" A voice from the dark startled her. "Miss Cracovia?"  

"Yes?" The figure was hidden, just outside of the little aura of light peeking out through the windows of the house, but she was fairly sure it was a man. Not a particularly tall or imposing man, at that. "Can I help you?"  

"I think you might be able to, yes. That is what you do, after all, isn't it, Miss Cracovia?"  

"Of course. I'm...uh...I'm a little bit busy right now, but if I can help you, I will. What do you need?"  

"Oh, it's really quite simple! You won't even need to move. I just need you to do one small thing for me."  

"And what's that?"  

She heard a chuckle as he stepped out of the shadows and into the light.  

"Look into my eyes..."

"Oh!" A startled gasp was all she could manage. Her gaze was totally captivated by the pair of swirling black and white goggles he wore, their spinning spiral pattern seeming to pull her attention inwards. She felt dizzy. Something about this seemed very familiar. She let a yawn escape, and it felt as if she was pushing all the energy from her body with that big, involuntary sigh. Her arms were so heavy...she couldn't possibly lift them. They flopped uselessly to her sides like a pair of wet noodles, and their weight dragged her down, so that she slumped, her torso sagging forwards but her eyes staying locked on the pretty swirling patterns.  

"You look tired, Miss Cracovia..."  

"Unhhh..." She slurred, unable to think of any words through the haze that had been cast over her mind.  

"Tell me...why are you here?"  

"Came to stop...evil hypnotist..." She mumbled.

"Ah. Of course. All by yourself?"  

"Nhh..." She shook her head a little, her entire body swaying lazily with the motion. "Here with...Ubergirl...she's inside...I'm waiting to save her..."  

"Ah. So nice of you to let me know. Now...you look so very tired, Miss Cracovia...why don't you relax for a moment...let those heavy eyes drift closed...rest your weary head...sleep."  

The word hit her like a soft, fluffy pillow across the face. It was like being hugged by a warm cloud, a pleasant, snuggly embrace dragging her down into a deep, deep sleep.  



***



"Blugh?" Ola jolted awake, blinking rapidly to clear her head. "What...what hap- uh...where am I?" Frantically, she looked around for clues. She appeared to be stood in an alleyway, behind a big, fancy house. It sounded like there was a party inside.  

"Miss Cracovia? Are you alright?"  

"Um...y-yes...yes, thank you. I just...um...hmm." She frowned, chewing her lip thoughtfully. "What was I doing here?"  

"You don't remember?" She shook her head. "Oh, well then, It's lucky you told me."  

Smiling, the little man presented her an ornate, antique cavalry sabre she was sure she'd seen before, somewhere. It was oddly familiar. She thought it might look rather nice hanging over her bed...  

"You're here to kill Ubergirl."



***



Inside, Svetta was doing her absolute best to be charming while boasting about all her fabulous wealth in a language she understood only a few broken phrases of. It was, conservatively speaking, harder than fighting off the entire International Congress of Super Evil at once, while blindfolded. Still, she seemed to be doing a decent job; she'd already had to explain to three different interested parties that she was not only a lesbian, but in a relationship with a woman whom she loved more than anything in the world...which was made harder by the fact that she didn't know the Polish for "lesbian". She resolved that she simply needed more drinks; her first piña colada had already gone a long way towards boosting her confidence. She was more than a little impressed that she had managed to avoid falling over in these ridiculous shoes...so far.  

There was an almighty crash, and the entire assembled mass of people turned to look. Cracovia had entered, kicking the door open.  

"Oh, no..." Svetta groaned, rolling her eyes as the woman approached in her patriotic red and white garb. "Ola, what are you doing?" She muttered, whispering so that nobody else would hear. Ola turned to her with wide, unfocused eyes, her jaw slack.  

"I am here to kill Ubergirl..."  

Svetta blinked. "Oh. Oh, no..."  

Just now, she noticed the rather imposing sword clutched in Cracovia's gloved hand.  

"Eep. Um...EVERYONE, GET OUT, NOW!" She hollered, or tried to, in Polish. Apparently she must've gotten something wrong, because more people ended up looking confused than afraid. Until, that was, Ola swung the sword for her neck.  

She ducked, feeling the blade pass overhead even as her ankle rolled and the heels finally gave way. She tumbled backwards, landing rather painfully on her tailbone. Fortunately, Cracovia had swung with all her might, and the missed blow had put her off balance. Svetta had enough time to kick off her shoes and scramble back to her feet.  

"Cracovia, please! You need to snap out of this!"  

"I am here to kill Ubergirl..."  

All around her, Svetta heard a confused mumble, and saw furrowed brows and dazed blinks as the Onpyh brainwashing kicked in and everyone around her immediately forgot any information that might have connected Svetlana Kistrun to Ubergirl. However, at least, the swinging sword seemed to have prompted them into a panic, and now they were running for the doors. Svetta paced backwards, her eyes never leaving Ola, and the menacing, curved sword in her hand.  

"Ola..."  

"I am here to kill Ubergirl..."  

"Okay, that's already getting old."  

Ola swung the sword again, and, now alone in the room with her, Svetta reacted on pure instinct, raising an arm so that her forearm came between the blade and its target. The sword shattered on the impact, jagged shards of metal flying in all directions, a few bouncing off of Svetta's bare flesh, while a few more cut her new dress. Ola blinked, looking at the broken remains of the sword intently. After a few seconds, she swung a punch, a little slower than usual. Svetta caught her by the forearm and spun, throwing Ola across the room with ease. She smashed into a wall, and it cracked beneath her weight.  

Ola's body appeared to be glowing slightly. Svetta barely had the time to register the flash of light and the crackle of potent energy before a wave of kinetic force slammed into her, knocking her to the ground.  

Stupid. She'd forgotten about Ola's ability to absorb and redirect energy. The impact she would have felt upon colliding with the wall, she'd just shot back at Svetta.  

"Ow..." Dazed, she struggled to regain her composure, propping herself up on her hands as she began to clamber back to her feet. Not quickly enough, though. A firm hand on her shoulder pushed down, banging her head against the floor, hard.  

"I am here to kill Ubergirl..."  

Stunned by the blow, she was powerless to resist as Ola spun her around, laying her on her back, and sent another fist in her direction. Her knuckles cracked into Svetta's mouth, and her lip burst. She tasted blood. Barely clinging to consciousness, her world spun, and she saw stars.  

"Sorry about this..." Another punch. With her mind more or less entirely focused on protecting her from harm, she hardly even felt it.  

She took flight, hard and fast, leading with an elbow as she rose. It connected with Ola's nose, and she flew backwards, hands rushing to pinch at it, and checking for blood. There was some. Svetta hovered just off the ground as she staggered, stumbling back and assuming a fighting stance.  

"Ola..."  

"I am here to kill-"  

"Shut up." Ola ran, swinging a massive punch for Svetta's head. She simply flew higher, soaring above Ola and swinging a leg out, her bare foot connecting with the back of Ola's head. She dropped instantly, a puppet with her strings cut, knocked out-cold by that single hit. There were certain advantages to knowing Ola and her weaknesses as well as she did.  



***



"Unhh..."  

"Wakey wakey, sleepy head. Have a nice nap?"  

"Ow...why do I get the idea you hit me on the head?"  

"Why do I get the idea you recently caught a glimpse of something swirly?"  

"Oh...I kind of remember...did I...was I trying to..?"  

"Yup. Don't worry, though. You were an awful assassin."  

"Well, there's that at least."  

"It was actually pretty fun, being the one not hypnotized for a change. I got to save the day and everything!"  

"Isn't that getting ahead of ourselves? He's still out there, after all."  

"Nah. Little twerp came in here after he heard your head thud against the floor, assumed that was you killing me. Got one heck of a shock when I yanked those dumb spirally glasses off his face and smashed them. He's an old friend of mine."  

"Oh, of course the hypnotic baddie would be one of yours."  

"The Hypnotizer. Really annoying little dweeb. Once hypnotized me to think I was a chicken, another time he made Grace strip to her undies and do yoga in the middle of the street..."

"Ah. So I guess I'm pretty lucky I just tried to kill you, then."  

"I'm actually pretty surprised he didn't make you think you were really an eagle or something. That could've been pretty cute."  

"Well, he came just after you went in here, so..."  

"So, wait, he was playing with you for a half hour? Huh."  

"Wait, what? No way! I barely shut my eyes for a second!"  

"Nope. Half an hour."  

"Oh...well, I guess we'll never know what he did..."  

"Hmm. I guess not...anyway, we've still got a few hours before I need to be heading back."

"Oh? What do you want to do, then?"

"I do believe someone promised me ice cream and Nazi-punching?"  

"Well, if you insist..."  

"Oh, and I'm sorry about your sword."  

"Huh?"

"That thing you tried to cut my head off with, and I shattered it? The one you showed me last time I came to your apartment, hanging over your bed?"  

"Wait, WHAT? So that slimeball DID steal that sword from me? Grr...I say we pay him a visit in prison."  

"Ola. Ice cream and Nazis first."  

"Ugh. Fiiine."